• justsomegirl

Alone or lonely

Updated: May 6, 2020

Last night after sitting in a bar for what felt like 10 never-ending hours, the group of ‘friends’ I was supposed to meet finally arrived, as they sat down a prick of excitement hit me, finally I would not have to make small talk with the people I’d actually been here with for the last 10 hours, finally real conversation.

Yet after 5 minutes of sitting surrounded by a group of people that previously I had had so much in common with, I felt more alone than I had when I was only with two. So I made a polite yet vague excuse and left, to meet my close friend at another guys apartment. There we ate, watched TV and laughed until way after midnight, and finally, we both decided it was time to go home. So we left and merged into the warm autumn breeze of Mallorquin streets. As he walked me to the taxi rank we got to talking about his relationship, one that had been going on for a while but had had many issues including several breakups over the last 2 months or so. Since the last break up, the relationship had been different they were barely seeing each other, and if they did, the movie Spiderman 1 or 2 tended to be involved as well.

So I asked him what had changed? Why did he no longer seem to care as much about what was happening in this relationship of theirs? He told me he still loves her, but not in the same way, so my next logical question was why not end it? And his response surprised me yet at the same time made a lot of sense, he told me it was better to be in a lonely relationship than being alone.

Now there are a colossal amount of quotes saying how it is better to be alone than surrounded by people who make you feel lonely but is that actually true? Humans are social creatures, we need human interaction especially that of our own age because that’s how we learn to socialise, and with-ought it that we deteriorate, we get upset anxious, so is it actually better to be alone?

See I understand what it feels like to be lonely, we all do to a degree when we are teenager we believe that the world doesn't understand us and we are truly alone, when we are young adults we feel like the world is stacking against us that no one is there for support, but are we actually alone?

When you live in this society, there is a certain image I believe, that we try to portray to others, in order to seem ‘cool’ but see that portrayal of someone, is it truly you? is it actually the person you are or aspire to be? I believe this could be what is causing the lack of connection between people, and probably causing some of the reason they feel so isolated and alone. See is it possible that we are scared to have people truly accept us? or scared they won't? so we keep them at a distance causing the reason for us being lonely?

Whether you do it on purpose, sabotaging a friendship so not to let people in, not letting people understand you, or you just can’t help feeling lonely because relating to your peers is something difficult, and something you find too challenging to face, both still cause the same outcome, both times you end up alone, no? Because we all at times feel lonely, but maybe having someone there makes it a little better, maybe, even if we are lonely it's better than being alone?